Sunday, February 9, 2020

Comment Wall

Epic Women Comment Wall
By Maria Dawson

I choose this picture for my topic because she is the lead "face" of feminism in Canada and also the face of my storybook project. This picture is by Pixabay

Back to the website: Epic Women 


  1. Hi Maria! Right from the first two sentences of your Introduction, I was already intrigued! The statements were relevant both to our generation as well as the epics you are basing your Storybook on. Personally, as a female who is trying to knock down stigmas on our gender, I smiled as I read the beginning of your Introduction. You have done an excellent job pulling in the reader. I only have one suggestion on the writing of your Introduction, feel free to take it but no worries if you do not. There is a sentence where you say you have worked hard so that you can demonstrate certain things. Just so it is easier for the reader to understand, I suggested saying, "From an early demonstrate two things: One, I can come from....; Two, in order to show..." I think this would make it much clearer for the reader to understand the two things you want to demonstrate. Furthermore, it avoids the confusion if you are using the word "one" as in numerically listing something or using "one" to represent a person, such as "someone." Overall, you have provided an excellent Introduction and I look forward to reading more of your Storybook!

  2. Hi Maria!
    I love how you are so passionate about this topic, and how you were able to find something that matches your passion so well! I am glad that there is someone covering stories like these, because there is always something you can learn from all aspects of stories. These topics of stories seem hard to come by, but they hold an important role in society. It is important to bring topics like this to light, because they are often forgotten about. That teacher in the meme you reference surely doesn't intend to put the girls down, but her phrase is memorized. She doesn't think twice about it because it is a common saying, but it still puts some of those girls down when they try to compete with their male peers. I look forward to coming back to your project to read your stories! Good luck in your writing, and I am sure it will turn out great!

  3. Hi Maria! I LOVE that your storybook is based on strong women! Like you, I am also someone who puts myself out there all the time to prove how strong women can be and it has taught me a lot about will power and mental strength. I applaud you for looking for women within Indian mythology that can representations of women empowerment! I also love that you are using Priyamvada, Shakuntala, and Savitri as your three women. I think there is a great deal we can learn from these three. My question for you would be though, is there a reason you didn’t choose the women from the Ramayana, like Sita or from the Mahabharata, like Kunti or Draupadi. I like that you chose women that we didn’t cover, but if you do a followup after these three stories, I think some of the women from the epics we read in class would be interesting too! My “what if” for you would be what if after you finished your storybook of these women, you found representations of these women in modern popular media and did a compare and contrast. This is something I would personally love to see because I think even though we are so ahead of that time period, some issues could resonate with us today. Like you said about Shakuntala, that is defiantly something we can in modern-day.

  4. Maria,
    I thought that the introduction to your portfolio was very unique in that it provided me with the inspirations that helped you developed the idea of what you wanted to create. I liked how the links you provided were incorporated into your writing and that you even provided a short overview of each one of the stories. My personal favorite one that I got to explore was the one about Savitri: The Perfect Wife. If I were to make any suggestions to you, I would say that maybe with each one of these stories that you provide, that you let the readers know exactly what has inspired you from each one and the idea that you have from it and how you are going to incorporate that into your stories that you write. Other than that, I am excited to see how this develops and will be following to see! Overall, awesome job!

  5. Hi Maria!
    I really liked reading your introduction, and to be honest I chose your project to read because I was fairly intrigued by the title, since my project is Supernatural Women in Indian Epics. I really liked all 3 of the stories that you picked out, and I agree with you, they are very feminist for their time. I especially liked the last 2 stories you chose, since single motherhood is a powerful concept and I like that you are shedding light on Shakuntala’s story. It just goes to show that some story lines are common throughout history. I also liked Savitri’s story, since she’s taking her life, love, and destiny into her own hands by choosing her own husband. I am curious as to how you found these stories, since I hadn’t heard about any of them. It would be cool if you included that in your Author’s Note at the end of each one!

  6. Hi Maria!
    I LOVE THE IDEAS! I also fell in love with the story you told at the beginning of the introduction. People often take women for granted, and they are always forgotten in history and stories. I want to see more people appreciate women. Empowered women empower women! I see you're doing a storybook. Is there a certain way you are going to tell the stories? Like a way for you to connect every story together? Maybe a possible narrator? I think it would help if you give more detail about the stories you're going to tell as like a trailer. I also really liked your picture. Is there a way you could link the website to this photo? Was there a reason you chose these three stories? Are you going to retell them as is? Or change them completely into modern day? Can't wait to start reading these!

  7. Hi Maria!
    I am really excited to read the stories you are going to add to your Storybook! I loved how you referenced the girl carrying the chairs, I can remember situations just like this from when I was younger and I thought it was a really cool way to introduce your topic. I also thought it was awesome that you put you own experiences and interests into the introduction as well. I kind of wish you explained why you chose the three stories you intend to include in your storybook. Rather than giving a brief plot summary of each you might just want to explain what makes each of these women a feminist hero. I was also really intrigued by the picture on your home page. I was kind of curious if there was a story behind that picture and how it came to be the "face" of feminism in Canada and I wonder if that could somehow tie into your Introduction. I can't wait to see how your project progresses in the coming weeks. Keep up the good work!

  8. Hi Maria!

    I love how you started off your introduction with the description of the girl carrying the chairs. It really set the tone for the rest of your introduction and gave the audience some great imagery. I also like that you included your thought process and personal experience as to why you have chosen your topic. I wonder if your stories will connect to your banner photo with the face of feminism in Canada on your home page and be more modernized versions of the epics, or if you will keep the stories in their time and settings? I also wonder who will be narrating your storybook? Will it be the same narrator throughout the whole storybook, or will there be different narrators for each of the stories? The stories you have chosen to write about are super interesting! There is so much potential to your storybook and I am excited to read your stories once you are finished with them.

  9. Maria,
    I like the topic of your project! I'm glad you found a topic that you personally were really invested in- it means you'll put that much more effort into it!
    That said, I have a ton of feedback for you. First of all, it seems like you have an aversion to using commas. I've always been taught that you should use a comma in any space you would take a breath while speaking. You have a few sentences in your introduction that desperately need commas so the reader knows where natural breaks are. It actually makes a HUGE difference. Second, your introduction focuses of three specific stories. Having not read those specific stories, I do not know what they are about. This meant that when I was reading your first story, I had absolutely no idea which story it related to. Could you add something to the beginning such as "This story is based on 'Ruru and Priyamvada.'" I understand that you explain this in the author's note, but I think it would help to preface the story at the beginning in this situation. Third, does fiance need to be capitalized in the story? It's not capitalized in your author's note... Fourth, you story has multiple points that need punctuation. You write “WHY me WHY him WHY right now." Add punctuation to have this section come across with more emotion. I wouldn't add five question marks after each question, but you certainly need one for each question. Fifth, the picture on your home page is SUPER important to your female theme, and I cannot make out that it is supposed to be a woman's head, despite your description! It currently looks like a black blob, which greatly weakens its impact. I know that I had to crop the image I used in certain ways to make it fit how I wanted, even with the biggest banner size. Maybe you could try that?
    I hope you don't take my feedback as mean or too harsh. I'm trying to be honest and help you improve! You've got a great start, and with a few improvements, your project can go from great to PERFECT. You've got a great start!

  10. Howdy Maria,
    Firstly, your intro did a great job giving context to the reader and establishing your personal connection to this project. The attachment you feel to this subject is very apparent and definitely makes the reader more excited to get into these stories. It also makes the early stages of getting into your project easier having the direct story references with links readily available. It is really helpful knowing exactly what is in store for each story and having a better understanding of the stories themselves before reading the retellings. I got fairly nervous right out of the gate thinking something was going to happen to the pups. Admittedly, I read the source story after I’d read yours, had I read it first I think I would have been more comfortable going in. It’s an interesting concept having the protagonist be so self-aware as to give up her time for her fiance’s. If you haven’t seen the movie The Seventh Seal, I’d recommend it – there are a lot of questions about existence and mortality in that’n.

  11. I really like your home page. It is very graphic and engaging. Your layout is very clean and easy to navigate. I also love your color coordination! I love your reasoning for the topic. Being a women, I can completely relate to story! It is very frustrating being told you can’t do things or seeing girls being portrayed as dumb and weak. This should not be the norm. I bet you have seen with our normal reading how sexist most the stories are. Like the girl who smells like gross fish until she is a “born again virgin”. That was painful to read.
    When reading your Love and sacrifice I found a typo. You said “a well know photographer” I think that you mean “a well known photographer”. Other than that, I think you did a great job with the story. It was different from the other stories I have read from the class because it is set in our time and location. Great job, keep up the good work!

  12. Hello Maria,

    I really like your topic! I'm glad that you were able to find something that you personally enjoy. While content-wise, I don't have any suggestions, there are a lot of grammatical errors that I caught while reading your story. Other people already mentioned it multiple times so I won't harp on it too much but you're missing a lot of commas in places that should have them. I would go back and through your story and fix those. "trial" should be changed to trail. "well know" should be well-known. "“Gunner come back here!!” Austin yells to their German Shepherd as the dog runs off into the woods Austin on this tail with Cooper. doesn't really make any sense. I think I understand what you were trying to say but the way it is worded is confusing. "conciseness" should be consciousness. Other than those grammar errors, it likes fine. Good luck with the rest of your project!

  13. Maria,
    I really like the concept of your project! I think having something that means so much to you can make a really good project outcome since you are already so dedicated and passionate about feminist heroines. First off, your engagement ring is beautiful and I love that you used it as you banner photo and included that detail in the caption! I think having that personal touch with both your theme and this specific story makes the readers want to read more of your work because I sure do. The other personal touches you put in your story, like your dogs names, make me wonder if your other stories will include personal touches and aspects as well. I love you first story and the plot and setting!! It was super intriguing and the way you described things helps readers imagine things clearly and even imagine themselves in a character's shows. The all caps writing you have in the dialogue parts really shows the urgency and emphasis that Maria feels and wants to portray.

  14. Hi Maria, Right away with the colors your storybook grabbed my attention. The bold yellow with the stark black look awesome together. On the introduction page the only thing that I kind of noticed was that the outline of a person was so large that I did not know that’s what it was at first. I thought it was a blob (a cool looking blob) that my attention was drawn to immediately. The other pages look so good the way you have them set up and the pictures are nice and cohesive. Your storybook is a pleasure to look at, and I don’t normally like yellow. On your introduction page, the change in font for the story links was a cool way to draw the eye to that part of the page. It is obvious that they are links and story titles, but I almost wonder if the entire background should be one color instead of some of paragraph portion being a white background that is separated. Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook! Can’t wait to read more. – Jillienne

  15. Hey Maria! So week 11's feedback focus is supposed to be pictures! (Yes I'm behind. It's fine...) Starting on your homepage: the yellow is VERY eye catching! It reminds me of the sunshine and happiness :) The connection to feminism is perfect given the theme of your storybook. The bird on your introduction page is wonderful! How lucky that it appeared in your suggested gallery! I love that you're image captions include a bit of commentary rather than just the reference links.

    Love and Sacrifice: OMG! You're engaged! Yay! That ring is absolutely gorgeous! I love that you incorporated your own life into your story. One quick request: would you consider making it clear in your author's note that the snake bite part is fictional? Or at least I hope it is? I'm 99% sure it is, but this whole pandemic thing has my nerves on edge and I haven't slept well in like three weeks so my brain isn't working like it should.

    Love and Hope: This was such a heartwarming story and the symbolism of the birds is beautiful. Unfortunately, I could totally see something like this happening in real life! Two very trivial things I can point out is that A) the dates coming after their respective entries rather than before is a little weird in my opinion; B) I think you inserted photo caption for this page as a footer? Just so you know, that means it shows up on EVERY page on your website.

    And now I'm WAY over my 150 words... Great job!

  16. Hi Maria,

    I'm glad to be back at your storybook page, and I love that its grown! It is extremely well written and unique. Congratulations on being engaged! I think is's amazing how you found a story that you related to, and applied it to you and your fiancé. It seems like you love him a lot. You story was great, but I did find a few typos. Nothing grammarly couldn't fix! One in particular is your use of the word 'scram'. I think you are trying to use the past tense of scream there, and that would be screamed. If you wanted to use the present indicative it would be screams, but I think you use past tenses to describe that particular moment, so I would just stick with screamed. I love the silhouette you provided in the first picture, very beautiful! All in all, your stories were amazing! Good luck on completing your final story and thank you so much for sharing with us!

  17. Hi Maria!
    I am all for women empowerment, so I was super stocked to read your storybook! From a visual point of view, I would standardize your font style in your introduction where you mention the titles of each story. In particular I love your first story! I think society sometimes deem that the men in the relationship have to show drastic measures of bravery and sacrificial deeds for women. These actions are even sometimes classified as "chivalry" or "gentlemanly." I think while it is it the responsibility of men to respect all women and demonstrate this, I think women are just as capable to show these deeds to their partner and make sacrifices. After all, relationships should be surrounded by equality and reciprocity. And in your story, we see this reciprocity, as Maria literally gives half of her life up to Austin. And she does this not with selfish motives or to benefit herself. She instead does this to help someone you can tell she deeply loves. It gives me the warm fuzzies when watching it! :) Keep up the great work!

  18. Hi Maria!

    Last time I saw your storybook, you only had an introduction and now it's completely finished! I am so happy with how everything turned out and I hope you are as well. In your first story, "Love and Sacrifice", I love how it is set in today's time, and it really feels personal because it was inspired by your real life. Since you did base this story on your life, I thought it was such a nice touch to include your engagement ring as the banner photo for this story. Also, congrats on the engagement!! Initially I wondered why you chose to reverse the roles and have Maria give up half of her life instead of Austin, but after reading your authors note, I saw that it was because you’d give up half of your life for your fiancĂ©. My heart melted!!!! I like that it was set on the OU campus, but I wonder what the story would’ve been like had the setting been in another place or even in a different time period. Overall, I love your storybook, and appreciate your focus on strong women throughout the Epics.